One Year Ago Today...

Our world as we knew it would turn upside down … inside out … and fall flat on it’s face (yes, our world has a face).


We sat in silence, stunned. Hoping and praying that the second line indicated something other than YOU ARE PREGNANT! I am not sure if a second line has ever indicated anything other than you are knocked up, but it was worth a shot at the time. I was shocked, scared and most of all I felt like the most irresponsible adult on the planet. A rush of concern ran throughout my body:


- How will we manage to pay for this baby? Babies are expensive, and dude we are poor!


- We don’t have enough space for this baby.


- How will I fit a car seat in back of my hooptie mobile?


- How can I go back in time? Back to our ski trip and reverse the many glasses of wine I consumed?


- How can I live with myself knowing that I could have possibly hurt my unborn baby within it’s first few weeks of gestation?


- How in the hell did this happen? We are so young, and hell we are unequipped to be parents.


Of course finding out that you are having a child (planned or unplanned) is a surprise for every couple, but I feel like it hit us exceptionally hard. We were truly scared! With time all of our concerns fell into place.


After reviewing our budget we realized that we were not as poor as we originally thought. We had to cut back on our spending, but that was easy, knowing that it was going towards our child’s future.


We simply moved the office into our master bedroom. We bought a desk that matched our bedroom furniture and soon enough the old office transformed into a beautiful nursery. Way easier than I anticipated.


We traded in my hooptie coupe for a four door sedan/mommy mobile.


I went to the doctor and confessed my wrong doing. He informed me that most mothers don’t know the exact moment they become pregnant and have dealt with the same situation that I was facing. He assured me that more than likely everything would be just fine.


See, all of our worries thrown out the window. I think it was God’s way of telling me that everything was going to be just fine.


One year ago today … Jonathan and I were graced with the most precious gift. It is difficult for me to go back and recall how upset I was that day. It’s almost like I don’t want to believe that I reacted the way I did. I pray that God can forgive me for acting ridiculously selfish.


If January 13, 2008 never existed my life would be missing the greatest amount of joy.


So, here is to January 13, 2008. Thank you for turning my world upside down … inside out … and for falling flat on its face. Everything about that day has made me the happiest mom on earth.


My friends, take my experience as a message sent especially to you. If you find yourself losing sleep over a dilemma in your life, sit back and look at the big picture. A small dilemma may turn into your greatest achievement with time. Your fate, is your fate and sometimes there is nothing you can do about it.  So go with it, and enjoy the ride in the mean time. Even if your ride also involves gaining 70 pounds in 9 short months.



goodbadandugly2 said...

very good advice....

She Likes Purple said...

We wanted (and tried for!) this baby for a year and I still felt all those feelings when it happened. I've thought more than once over the last nine months: "what have we done?" But ... that's just fear. Crazy, stupid, not-worth-a-damn fear. Thanks for this perspective.

Sarah said...

you are so profound! I love you and your precious family!

Kenna said...

Lane = Smart!
Cole = so stinkin' precious!