Laney Poo: Dear Cole, You Are 11 Months Old ...

Dear Cole,

Last week you turned 11 months. I have no clue how you already turned into an 11 month old baby, as it seems just yesterday we were driving you home from the hospital. This past month has been everything fabulous. You are ridiculously fun, and are constantly cracking us up.

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I think your Aunt Fro is the one who came up with your signature song a few days after you were born. Every time she would see you she would sing a song that goes like this, “I’m a Cole-Man doootiidoo-doootiidoo”. I think she got the song from a Ford truck commercial that is forever old, but in the commercial they say “Soul-Man” instead of “Cole-Man”. Anyways, this month you finally caught on that this is your signature song, because every time Aunt Fro would sing it to you, you would do a little jig. It was so damn cute and now I can’t help but sing this song to you over and over again throughout the day just so I can see you put on a show. Your friends and family have caught on to the song as well, and you light up and start jamming out anytime anyone starts up with the song. So darn cute!

One thing that is not so cute is your bowel movements these days. Holy freaking cow, they are out of control! I feel like I am changing the diaper of a 50 year old man, that eats burritos and hamburgers every meal. Normally this would not be that big of a deal, but now it is a HUGE deal because Mama is knocked up, and Mama’s nose can smell the slightest bit of stank from miles away. For the past week I have barfed at least once a day while changing your diaper. It’s that bad baby boy! I try so hard to hold my nose and deal with it, but sometimes there is no hope andthe chunks find a way to work their way up and out. This morning your diaper was exceptionally bad. It’s complicated because here you are, all spread out on the changing table, so it’s not like I can leave you there while I go and puke my brains out. I usually remember to bring the trash can with me, but today I forgot. So, here I was removing the ridiculously large turd from you diaper and all the sudden it hit me. I started gagging and realized that I had no other option than to sprint to the commode. You were still poopy because I had not wet-wiped your bottom off. I had to pick you up, dirty butt and all, run to the pot while trying not to get poo everywhere. I stood over the commode barfing my breakfast up while you were standing up on the toilet seat with your legs spread on either side. After I got done, I looked up at you and your poopy bottom and you had the biggest grin on your face. I couldn’t help but start cracking up at you. I can’t think of a worse situation than the one I was in, thank goodness you were there to make the best out of it, thanks baby.

Now moving on ... Cole, your Mama has broken the law. I know you are only 11 months, one week amd 3 days old, but I made the executive decision to turn your car seat around today. You have been over 20 pounds for many months now and I really don’t feel that 3 weeks will make that much of a difference. Just in case you are wondering, the rule is that babies should remain in the rear facing position until they are at least 20 pounds AND 1 year of age. I decided to pretend like I didn’t see the “AND” and confused it for and “OR”! We only drove around the corner to my all time favorite photography store, but during that short drive you seriously looked like the happiest baby alive. You couldn’t stop staring at me. I knew you were thinking to yourself, “Dude…Mom I had no idea that all this was going on up here, you look like you’re having so much fun”. After almost a full year you have finally found out what Mama is doing while you are stuck in the back seat looking at trunk of the car. I have a feeling this is going to make a huge difference in how you feel about road trips. I don’t blame you for hating your car seat; I would have hated to ride backwards for my whole first year as well. Congratulations on hitting your milestone.

In three short weeks we will be celebrating your first birthday! I originally planned on a huge bash with a bouncy house, kegs, ritas, a clown, pony, face painting station, chippendale's, oh my! ... Ok, so I’m lying, it wasn’t going to be that awesome of a party, but pretty darn close! I starting getting sick with this pregnancy about 3 weeks ago, andhave let the time slip away. To be honest, I have not done one damn thing for your party. The invitations are not ordered, I have not found a cake andI haven’t even contacted one single catering place. I’m so sorry baby; please don’t hold it against me. I promise your second birthday will be the bomb diggity! I've decided that it will be best to make your first birthday sweet, small and quaint for family and any friends that want to come celebrate with you. I can't decide if I even have time to do invitations, can you believe it? Cards and invitations are something I love to make, but dude, that just goes to show you how crummy your soon-to-be brother or sister is making mama feel. So if any of Cole’s friends are reading this, feel free to come and celebrate with him on August 29^nd at Leah’s house. Again, Cole-Man, you have no idea how bad I feel for being a dead beat of a mother, but honestly this pregnancy has taken every ounce of energy out of me, and quite frankly I don’t think I can rise to the occasion. Please forgive me, baby.

Really though, you have no idea how bad this kills me that I am not able to come through for you. It freaks me out knowing that baby #2 has not even made his/her debut into the world and he/she is already shitting on your parade. It is my worst fear knowing that this is going to happen more than I would like it to. It’s great having you and your new sibling close in age, but at the same time I don’t think it’s fair to you, as you deserve to bask in joys of babyhood longer than this. From here on out, I promise that nothing like this will ever happen again and your father and I will try our damndest to make sure you get your individual attention just as you should.

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